So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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