Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
