So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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