he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
