Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I pour the whiskey from now on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
