I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
