all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
