first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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