chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
