If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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