Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
