I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
