; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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