My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
