i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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