I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
false alarm, still single
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
