I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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