Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
