I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
