your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
