im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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