The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
