I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
