well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
