i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
