just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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