I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
