I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
