i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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