The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Congratulations! We have a period
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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