i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
