You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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