he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
