Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boobs are out for the taking
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
