Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
