He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
