Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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