I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
