so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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