Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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