We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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