i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
