I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
