I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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