After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
