Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i will never coherently bang her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
