I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
