is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
