Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
