I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
