Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're a waste of cheezeits
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
