Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
