I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the day after is always just damage control
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
