I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
