Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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